Deep in my belly
It feels round, smooth, it feels heavy.
But it also feels distant.
I worry maybe I’ve lost access to it.
That it will spring up on me when I least expect it and split me open.
It’s no longer the earth shattering, face melting, body crumpling existential explosion it was the first two days.
I’ve been getting waves of joy and release in the evenings.
Been playing old rock tunes, cooking almond flour honey cakes, making tea or coffee, and a cocktail to soothe the angst in the moonlight.
We made the choice to take our time with unravelling the life we built.
We plan a “This is the end” party with loved ones on our upcoming anniversary to say goodbye to this version of us.
I get to make him breakfast, he makes me a bath. Sometimes we process together. Sometimes far apart.
Still in our home, as I search for where I’m going next, I begin to detach from this place.
Watch my love fall off in flakes.
Which direction will my life take?
Do I move to Austin? Back to London? Or do I wait?
I think it’s important to share the grueling times.
Not just the beautiful, shiny times.
I hope to share my heartbreak to inspire you to share yours. The human spectrum of existence is enormous. People suffer in silence, behind closed doors, grit their teeth, and meditate the pain away.
For what? What perfection are we chasing?
I want the people in my life to be people who respect, embrace, and admire all of our humanity.
I share with you to invite you to share with me, your people, with strangers, what it’s really like to be human. What it’s really like to be you.
We all go through the same hard things, feeling like we’re all alone, when there are billions of people on earth.
I want to be an example that you can be shattering into a million pieces, with no knowledge of where you’re moving to, while the world falls apart, and still make tons of money, build your business out, and experience trust.
You don’t have to wait til things are perfect to change your life.
If you’re going through heartbreak, I love you too.