Jennifer Jade Merrihue
𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗩𝗔𝗟𝗨𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗫 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘𝗦: 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 2 🧐
So what do you do?
You met the person you love and you have mismatched libidos.
This article is called the depreciating value of our sex lives in relationships because- we are a culture that claims relationships get worse over time, not better. Sure, there are a few sprinkled rom coms here and there about strong relationships. But I’m sure you’ve heard over and over again the opinion that marriages are sexless, that being married is soul-sucking, that things are great until you commit.
It’s not a great foundation to inspire couples to want to build long term with each other.
Maybe that’s because watching movies about happy people being happy isn’t exactly what sells. No one is begging to make the movie “My exceptional marriage” or “Ten years after the wedding”.
Who knows, but what does sell, literally, is the idea that nothing lasts.
Love in this culture, like many a material object, is disposable.
Something that’s fun, shiny, and new at first, especially if it’s hard to get. But something that will get old when you have it.
Some hop from new person to new person, in hopes of finding that one that will sustain the euphoric chemical reaction that most of us get when first infatuated with someone.
But unfortunately, that is as effective as taking drugs and hoping the high will last forever.
So in relationships, what is it that makes things so much easier at the beginning?
In non-traditional relationship containers like open relationships or polyamory, they refer to what makes things so electric, easy, erotically charged, at the beginning of any attraction is referred to as NRE (New Relationship Energy).
Most of the time New Relationship Energy gets mistaken for a potential soulmate, in alternative relationships it gets understood as the side effects of New Relationship Energy. I believe adopting this understanding of NRE would be GREATLY beneficial for relationships all over the world.
The reason it’s important:
In most polyamorous or open relationships, it is well understood that the chemical impact of desire, attraction, arousal in a new relationship is the most intoxicating elixir on the planet. It can distort many things (like the commitments in your life), and inspire many a reckless action. But alternative relationships understand that NRE is not permanent. That it is not something to base your long term decisions on, that it is something that actually does fade over time.
Acknowledging this brings back agency, control, and power to a person “under the influence” of NRE. If you fully understand that your brain is on attraction-drugs when you first meet someone you are chemically drawn to, you may reconsider blowing up your current relationship, or making that dangerous business faux pas, in the name of that chemical reaction with the person in the office.
IF YOU KNOW that chemical reaction will wear off the longer you are with someone, you have the advantage of planning ahead and learning how to counteract this. How to bring electricity, desire, and attraction into your long term relationship.
If you know your sexual attraction will atrophy in the long run if you do nothing to maintain it- then prepare yourself for THE OPPOSITE result. Research how to cultivate and exceptional sex life, an exceptional relationship, trial things, fail at them, try again. Exceptional lives don’t happen by accident.
Many say, it’s not natural for us to be with one person for the rest of our lives. Well, many things are not natural for us. Plowing land. Having malls. Going to University. Building entire empires. All not necessarily natural, but we humans have the unique capacity to be able to build, create, and shape the reality we want to experience. Start at home, with the person you are with. Instead of hopping around from new relationships stimulation to the next, create something that lights you up at home, that will last you a lifetime.
So what do you do? If you have a sex life you don't get excited about, if your partner and you have mismatched libidos?
It starts with you. Get curious...
And if you don’t know where to start, reach out!
Many have been where you are and have created a life they find exceptional.