How do partners navigate the world of kink?
Whether you are in a new relationship, single, or have been married for decades- exploring the world of kink can be a fascinating introduction to the multiple dimensions of the human experience.
It can also be awkward, scary, and truly strange. It can heal trauma, balance nervous systems, and inspire confidence in the meek and calm in the furious.
Much like food- you can find the minimalists, who enjoy fancy sprinkles and pretty lace from time to time... to the existentialists who like to linger on the edge of uncertainty and play with life as they taste the likes of fugu (a.k.a. pufferfish). A pined for delicacy banned in the US because it can be 1,200 times more deadly than cyanide.
Kink is powerful, but it's not just one thing. It evolves and expands- just like our taste-buds do. It's just one of many tools in our sexual/ relational belt.
So if you're just starting to date, or are single and exploring. Here's the biggest tip I can offer. Figure out what you're into as soon as you feel comfortable. Ideally, WAY before you get into a long term relationship or have co-created some children. Ideally, when you're single and curious and have very little to lose in your trial and errors.
WHY FIGURING OUT WHAT YOU LIKE IS IMPORTANT- AND THE-SOONER-THE-BETTER
Cindy is successful marketing exec. She has worked her butt off her whole life to make a name for herself. She puts on the suit, the heels, the make-up and the whole costume on a daily basis so she can feel good playing with the big boys as she makes that money.
She also likes having sex with people who enjoy dressing up like squirrels.
We call these folks, furries.
There's a whooooole lot of them on this planet, they even have their own conventions.
Now as a relationship coach, I truly feel I needed to write this article for the following reasons.
1. People who wait for marriage to explore or talk about their sexual interests or curiosities have a big job. It's not that it's not possible. But it's certainly a gamble. We used to get married for socio-economic purposes. Now that women and men have a growingly equal opportunity to be self-sufficient, relationships are growing into environments where sex and intimacy are their prime focus.
2. You've been happily married for 10 years and your partner finally get the guts to tell you their absolute and utmost hidden desire is for you to dress up as a squirrel and have sex with them. BUT you have suffered from Sciurophobia since youth and are indeed deathly afraid of squirrels. This would most likely have been a fantastic conversation to have pre-marital commitments. Divorce is expensive and though useful,
I lean on humor to help us navigate the essentials. Humor, especially in kink, can be a powerful tool to initially figuring out what it is you or your partner's pine for.
I strongly believe that figuring out what you like in your naked life is as important as figuring out your diet, your allergies, and your cheat-day foods.
The most humorous example in my repertoire involves squirrels. And people who like dressing up like squirrels. I can't say this enough, it is makes life exponentially easier for someone who enjoys having sex with squirrel people to find a compatible (human) squirrel partner- BEFORE any legal binding contract or human child get created on the way.
Is this easy? No. Is this common place? Absolutely not. But is this a worth the investment to do your research if you have an insatiable desire to pursue said furry fantasy? Um, 1000 times yes.
You know what's harder? Divorce. Divorce, over squirrels. Or whatever else floats your boat.
Truth be told, there is no fantasy I have found that can't be integrated into a healthy and thriving relationship. That's the beauty of fantasy, there's always space for some creative maneuvering. That being said, it's a lot harder to navigate if you're into squirrels and your partners "kink" is monogamous missionary.
So without righting or wronging anyone. I merely suggest a healthy self exploration and a few uncomfortable but very fun conversations with your partner before any big commitment moving forward.
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