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  • Writer's picturejennifer jade merrihue

How to communicate with the opposite sex

Dec. 11. 2020

Most people don't want to do the work to ACTUALLY be successful in loving their partner.

To learn their partner's language to fluency.

The work it takes to do this feels unnatural to our body. It feels clunky and awkward. Because at first, it is.

You can bet that those same people feel entitled and insulted when their partner won't do the same for them.

Being a relationship coach, you see a lot of different possible outcomes for relationships and their co-created environments.

Many people come to me because they are at a stalemate. A place where they love the person and don't want to leave, but life has become mundane, stale, difficult, tense, argumentative, sexless.

I will share one of many lovely approaches to shifting things in your relationship.

To use VERY limited language- I will use the example of male or male identifying and female or female identifying people in a relationship with their opposite. Both desire a completely different form of communication.

Male identifying need, crave, respond to the female physical response - NOT THE FEMALE WORDS. So for female identifying: Use less words, SHOW more the effect he has on your body. What he says, what he does for you. If you use words, try not to explain them. Say the effect, without the descriptive explanation. Use less words, more body, more sound, actually feel it physically and share the authentic response (a faked response won't land). Purr, moan, touch, show its effect however feels most natural to you. If you don’t know what that is, experiment.

This can be hard for women, because we can be quite disconnected to our bodies from a VERY young age. So we over analyze and use our very sophisticated vocabulary to explain things into oblivion. So much is lost in translation.

The female identifying crave, respond, need- to be seen and told in what specific ways she is seen. So for male identifying: Use more descriptive words, describe the way she cooks something, how you love the way she moves, or the sparkle in her eye when she gets excited, or the way she responds to your touch. The WHAT matters so much less than the fact that you're communicating that she is seen and that you enjoy it.

This can be hard for men, for many reasons, but mainly because women are conditioned to hide, so the immediate response might be a rejection, mistrust, or disbelief to the thing you are offering up. Keep at it. See her, find pleasure or appreciation for what you see, describe it to her. But do this authentically. An empty compliment you don't believe won't land.

I'm not giving you tools to manipulate your relationship into something sacred. I don't believe that is possible.

If you feel nothing from your man, maybe you shouldn't be with that man. If you don't see anything in your woman that inspires you, maybe you shouldn't be with that woman.

Feigned compatibility is a painful and heartbreaking waste of energy- typically stemming from a fear of being alone and believing that there will be no one else for you (scarcity). If you want a deep and meaningful relationship, but you're in a relationship based on your fear of being alone- you most likely will not get the desired outcome. Make sense?

If you want deep and meaningful, at the very least YOUR reasons for being in that relationship should be deep and meaningful, not based on scarcity. You live what you choose my friends.

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