First night alone in my new home.
Spent what feels like years traveling, staying with people, learning about my close relationships, and how they show up for me when things are in the depths of chaos.
Traveled all around. Considered moving all over the world even through the pandemic.
Feasted, laughed, drank, cried. Watched moons go by. Lost track of time. Worked full time.
Locally traveled full time.
I’ve gone on adventures. I’ve crashed in exhaustion. I’ve been so grateful for being completely untethered. I’ve been haunted by it too.
I’ve spoken to, worked with, interviewed couples from all sides of life.
People getting married, divorced, opening up, closing up.
Been privileged to hold space for every transition in the life of others while I go through my own.
Being reminded, constantly, that we share so much of our human experience with strangers who are going through the same thing we are.
We’re going through this together, even when we’re alone.
I’ve been enjoying being single. I’ve missed being in a relationship.
I’ve been consistent. I’ve been flakey.
I’ve been all the things. I’ve been nothing.
Here is to being a hot mess
To knowing that life will do what it wants with me.
That it will pull me to my knees.
It will invite me to surrender, to allow it to lead me.
To be completely and utterly devoured by it.
To find peace in uncontrolled splendor.
Or I can choose to resist, avoid, deny.
I can writhe in agony as life begs me to trust what I’ve always pined for trusting.
I choose chaos, I choose marvel, I choose home, I choose stillness.
Here is to choosing all the things and remembering that if you are reading this, you have survived 100% of all the things you’ve been through.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Well done! And here’s to everything else to come