• Jennifer Jade Merrihue

GASLIGHTING: CHEAT SHEET, PT 1


Put simply gaslighting is when your emotions, words, and experiences are used against you or overridden, causing you to question your own reality.


DIFFERENT FORMS OF GASLIGHTING:


BLOCKING + DIVERTING


  • Changing the subject

  • Questioning your thought process

  • I.E… “You’re crazy”, “You never remember things correctly”, “You’re imagining something”


TRIVIALIZING


  • Makes your needs/ feelings feel unimportant

  • I.E… “You’re too sensitive”, “That’s such a small thing to get mad over”


FORGETTING AND DENIAL


  • They forget what actually happened

  • Deny promises

  • I.E… “Don’t know what you’re talking about”, “You’re making stuff up”


COUNTERING


  • Partner questions your memory of events (even when your memory of them are accurate)

  • I.E… “You’re wrong”, “You never remember things correctly”


OTHER WAYS IT MAY DEVELOP


  • Happens very gradually

  • Actions may seem harmless

  • Effects on you are subtle- feeling isolated, questioning yourself, doubting, depression, anxiousness, confusion

  • You start relying on your partner more and more


LONG TERM EFFECTS


  • Second guessing yourself

  • Wondering if you’re too sensitive

  • You feel confused and crazy

  • You’re always apologizing to your partner

  • You keep wondering why with so many good things in your life- you’re still unhappy

  • You frequently make excuses for your partner to others

  • You find yourself withholding stuff from your loved ones so you don’t have to explain or make excuses

  • You suspect something is terribly wrong- even if you don't know what it is

  • You lie to avoid the put downs or identifying with any one narrative

  • You have trouble making simple decisions

  • You have a sense that you used to be very different- more confident, more fun loving, relaxed

  • You feel hopeless

  • Feel like you can’t do anything


It can be scary and confusing and terrifying to go through this alone.


If this sounds familiar to you…

Send me a message.


If you’re not sure but something about this pulls at you…

Send me a message.


If you relate to any of these or are unsure if they apply to you but want to know more

Send me a message.


Let’s get you better informed.


The most important element around the human experience is to feel supported and in connection as you navigate dark waters.


I offer 1-1 coaching and have personal and professional experience around shifting these dynamics successfully.


For an opportunity to work together, reach out to me if you feel:


  • ... your relationship is beyond repair and you think leaving might be the best option for you but have no idea where to start or how you will survive through it

  • ... you love your partner and have no interest in being with anyone else but the dynamic mentioned above is familiar in one too many ways.

  • ... you want to stay but you want to change the dynamic, and you want to change it fast.

  • ... you love your relationship but you can tell that it’s headed in this direction. Maybe something happened that broke the trust a little and you don’t know how to recover it.


OR YOU FEEL:


  • ... you had no idea what gaslighting was...some crazy dude manipulating his wife centuries ago or something. But as you read this you know you’ve said the sentences above to your partner and that she/he went from a confident and shiny person to a more meek and indecisive person.

  • ... you fear maybe you’ve had an unintentional negative effect on your partner and you want more information on how to shift things for you and your partner.

  • ... you thought this was the normal way everyone treats each other and this article sounds ridiculous. But you love the people you love and want to shift your impact on them, if this really is what happens to them.


We aren't born knowing how to communicate with each other or navigate the complexities of human relationships.


We live and we learn and then teach each other.




** information from https://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/29/what-is-gaslighting/

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