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  • jennifer jade merrihue

๐˜–๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜บ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต

Nov. 30th. 2020

A meritocracy implies scarcity.

That only the best of the best can get the best. But everything can't be the best, or why else would people even try and be the best?

Merit has to be based on uniqueness, on the

re being only one, or few. There is a problem with our human brains attaching to this concept. It's made up.

It causes suffering.

It is not seen anywhere in nature. Even the strongest gorilla, or king of the jungle lion, dies and makes space for something different.

Nature is an epic monstrous teacher.

Take the strongest, richest, man and drop him alone in the Amazonian jungle alone and I guarantee he is no longer the strongest or richest of anything.

Context defines us, and we define the context that defines us.

We've created our own cages. Painted them beautifully in gold. Encrusted the keys in diamonds, given those keys to other people.

We've lost track of what it is to be insignificant. The decadent freedom that lies in that divine reality.

Where one action of yours is meaningless.

We are an authoritarian meritocracy. With a history of religious surveillance. If you do something bad and someone notices, there may be punishment. We do this to maintain some form of order.

Which sometimes serves us well. Other times it leads to unnecessary suffering and violence imposed by those who are convinced they know more than other human animals on this circle floating in fucking space.

But how many of us are trapped in the "being good" obsession? Are you obsessed with every action or inaction you have taken? What do you make your actions, inactions, materials, job, mean about you?

How many hours do you waste thinking about that thing you fucked up last week? Or about that abusive relationship you were in? How many hours do you bleed out comparing yourself to your college friend who just got a promotion in their mid-30's while you are launching your business in a basement?

It's a COLOSSAL waste of your damn time and energy. Mainly, because we made all of it up. And if you lose track of this divine comedy ...things can become VERY depressing.

We lose track that the number 30 or 40 or 50 means nothing. You could die at 33 or at 90- knowing your age does nothing to tell you how much life you should live at what age. Our age just helps us organize. But it should not give your ego weaponry to beat you into inactions and into the wallowing depths of self-pity. Why? Because it's a waste of time and energy. It's an excuse to get you out of ACTUALLY pursuing what you want in this life. If it's too late for you to get that life you want, you get out of having to try and get it. But you're the one that has to live with the reality you are choosing to believe is possible.

So how do you get out of it? Action + patience + humor + more patience.

Along with the struggle, and the drama, there can be a dark layer of humor that is sewn right into every ridiculous tragedy. From there we can access the liberating. Have you ever had terrible thing, after terrible thing, after terrible thing happen to you?

When I was a 24-year-old, I climbed into a hospital baby crib at 3 in the morning in the Dominican Republic. On the 4th day of no sleep or answers, my baby brothers tiny little fingers curled around mine, there was a moment of utter exhaustion where my dad and I were able to find humor in the ridiculousness of our situation. In that dark laughter, in that dark exhaustion, was relief, was connection, was just a little bit of freedom. Even in the face of death, we can access this part of being human. Don't worry everything worked out, but we didn't know it would at the time.

Everything RIGHT NOW seems so fucking urgent and important. You seem so fucking important RIGHT NOW. Someone isn't answering your text back, you are stuck in a job you hate, you aren't making enough money, your relationship is impossibly hard, your kids might be broken, all of it seems like the end of the world right now.

But shoot out and look at it from the stars. It's all insignificant. And that perception can give you a little more breathing room, a little more space to fuck up, to laugh it off, to try and try and try and try again.

It gives you the power to look at those stupid comparative shackles you've carefully painted onto yourself and wash them off with tender appreciation of what they were trying to inspire in you (motivation and results).

It gives you power to look at the golden cages and diamond frosted keys and choose to want them because they are shiny, not because you must have them to matter.

I'm not saying for you to not pursue your dreams. I want you to devote your life to the things that matter to you. Just don't forget that it's not all that important in the grand scheme of things because neither you or I are that important in the grand scheme of things like time and space. And that is perfect and beautiful. If energy cannot be created or destroyed, it just

changes shapes, then when you and I die, we'll just change shapes. Who knows what shape we'll be in, we won't be in this shape to have an opinion on it so we won't suffer as much as we do in our current imagination about it.

Don't forget to enjoy your insignificance as you try and change it.

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