• jennifer jade merrihue

On living like you have all the time in the world


Nov. 26. 2020


Most hate mornings because we were raised with them being out of our control.

Some other human controlling when we lay down, when we get up, what we have to do when we get up, what is needed of us, and where our attention should go.

Brush teeth, comb hair, eat (even if you're not hungry)

WAKE UP even if you're exhausted.

No excuse is a good excuse.

I suspect this causes a little bit of morning trauma in all of us. I’m referring to little ”t” trauma. The kind that affects your behavior long after the circumstances that inspired the response- in this case- dread of mornings.

When you look at your phone, email, messages first thing- you immediately give the control of your attention to the needs and urgency of other people. Your focus goes outside yourself immediately vs. establishing the internal state that you will interpret/ perceive the rest of your day with.

And those collected perceptions- build your perception of life, time, and quality of life.

Sure sleeping in is amazing, but this post is about time and control and how the experience of leisure can give us the perception that we have all the time in the world.

Which we do, until we don't.

When I was 15, I remember buying a tin alarm clock ⏰ to try and shock myself out of bed in the mornings. It definitely worked. Me and my heart would explode out of bed in response to it screaming at 5:30 AM.

There was no laying back down after that mini heart attack. And though the method was aggressive and I wouldn't recommend it- the result was- extra time.

I could come home from 8 hours of school and NOT do hw. I could be an animal, a kid.

I would do hw in the morning, in the corner Starbucks with my dad, with a blueberry muffin & coffee, after the gym or a frosty run around a tiny park in early darkness where breath looked like the smoke of dragons.

Now I wake up to music. I don’t look at my messages (they are silenced before 9). Sometimes I send a message to those in my heart without looking at the other messages. And because of this, my body wants to wake up early. I get to choose what a morning looks/feels like. I choose where my attention goes.

Initially, it was always work focused. I’d wake up, respond to the world (messages & emails), work out, research, study.

But recently it’s been all about leisure.

Starting my day with the things I used to look at as ”treats” every once in a while. Breathwork, reading magical fantasy, writing creatively- all with coffee and a continued feeling that I’m getting away with something beautiful in this life.

Before the workday erupts, I have at the very least an hour. But some days like today, it’s 2. Two whole hours to take my




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