PERSONAL MONEY RELATIONS
As I go deeper into my personal relationship with money, I try and reconstruct what money is to me and what I want it’s role to be in my future. In the empire I’d like to build.
Though it is innately empty of value- it’s interesting to look at its power.
And more importantly where that power comes from.
It comes from us.
From the individuals using it.
Here are somethings I’ve found:
Money alone is a piece of paper.
Its perceived symbolism is what holds value.
Money is an extension of the person using it. It allows us to amplify our impact by what we contribute to.
Money is similar to our attention and energy, when we give it to something or someone they now have more resource to do what ever they do.
For many years money symbolized survival to me. That’s the only reason I thought people should want money. To get by.
But there’s so much more to it.
And rebuilding this relationship has been rather fun, after the initial mystery of it.
I began reshaping this story by validating my past narrative. I wrote down my whole families history with money and mine.
I saw and repeated to myself that the way I have been makes complete sense.
And from there I started thinking about how I WANT money to feel in my life.
Do I want to save all the time and try and spend as little as possible (this has always felt the safest)?
Do I want to live in a modest apartment, so I can save and always have a nice nest egg?
Do I always want to spend responsibly?
Do I always want to be rigid and reasonable?
These are all ways of relating to money that are rooted in fear.
Fear of scarcity, fear of permanent loss, fear of making expensive decisions that don’t work out, OR even losing it all.
All of this communicates to myself (and to money) that I don’t believe I can rebuild it all again.
I have to tell you, once I realized that the foundation of my relationship with money was fear of losing it, things got so much clearer.
Rewriting this relationship is still really uncomfortable, but now it’s also fun.
It requires me catching myself when a financial opportunity goes south and I start spinning or judging the decisions I made.
It will be a relationship I rewire for a long time.
But here is how I want money to exist for me:
I want to directly contribute to and support people, artists, craftsmen and women. I want what I buy and who I buy it from to be a direct expression of what I believe in.
I want it to feel really damn good when I can pay things in full, in advance.
I want to trust money. Both when I have a massive surplus and when/if I loose a massive surplus.
I want to trust I make money easily. Especially in the harder financial times.
I want to delegate ALL of the things that don’t light me up to people I hire. I want to pay them so well- they feel OVERpaid. I cannot wait til I can contribute to the job market by NOT having to do everything in my business that I don’t enjoy and hiring people.
I want to pay my rent, taxes, bills and enjoy paying them because it supports my landlord, people, families, the state I choose to live in.
𝙼𝚈 𝙲𝚄𝚁𝚁𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙼𝙾𝙽𝙴𝚈 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙺 𝙸𝚂 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃:
How to spend money and make it feel really fucking good- filled with trust + faith I will easily make more when I spend because there is enough in the world.
How to unlearn what I believe about spending money.
How to slow down and truly celebrate every cent coming into my account, no matter how small- so I can anchor a new experience and enjoy my relationship to money (instead of avoid relating to it, as I’ve done).
You see, I used to believe money was empty of value. It was what resulted if you were really fucking good at what you did in your life.
But let’s face it.
There are many people who are incredible at what they do and terrible with money.
That’s because they have some variation of deep, possibly hereditary, issues with money that they have to look at before they can relate to it easily and fluently.
To your nervous system- money can mean POSSIBILITY, power, influence, freedom, danger, addiction, greed.
And if you are not used to HAVING money, your nervous system may try and subconsciously get rid of the “stressor” in many creative ways (in this example the stressor is money).
You could gamble it, spend it all quickly, give it away, or hide it from yourself. Either way- it’s a sneaky way of getting rid of the uncomfortable experience of HAVING money (what ever that means to you and your nervous system).
This is the same thing that can happen in our romantic relationships if we don’t do the work to deconstruct what we inherited as relationship beliefs and what we WANT as relationship truths.
If we don’t do this work, people can self-sabotage.
You start dating someone really fucking cool and if you’ve only ever been with abusive a-holes your whole system might self implode because it doesn’t know how to regulate to something so different. So it will try and sabotage it so you can return to what you’re familiar with. Even if what you are familiar with is a highly abusive dynamic. To your body in this example, even an abusive relationship may FEEL safer than a healthy one because it’s familiar. You’ve had practice, you know how to survive in it, you know how to depend only on yourself and get by.
SAME thing happening in both examples.
A real life example: There’s a phenomena around people who win the lottery- a ridiculous percentage of them go bankrupt in a few years. Money psychology has deemed that this is because their nervous system cannot handle the immense and immediate switch between not-having and having and so subconsciously tries to get rid of it.
SO you may not have thought much of your love life with money, but I swear to you it’s worth it, fascinating, and it’s some of the most exciting and enjoyable work I’ve ever done.
If this sounds fascinating to you and you want to get into your own money psychology and history. Hit me up!
Send me a message or book an exploratory through the link below and let’s connect on where this work could lead you in your journey.
I have TWO coaching spots open for the coming months. If this is for you, I can’t wait to meet you and get you started on your own money making adventure!