• Jennifer Jade Merrihue

REMEMBER THAT TIME IN THE BATH.

WHEN YOU TRIED TO GIVE ME A GIFT AND I SMASHED IT AGAINST MYSELF.


Remember the time you caught me looking

at myself in the reflection of glass


I was on top of you

Riding you naked in a bathtub



You would tell me later that you

Got a mirror for the room


Because you noticed

It was a turn on for me

To look at my self

While we fucked


If only

You’d known the truth

What I was doing wasn’t admiration

Turn on

Or sex


It was me making sure

Each

Part

Of

Me

Was

Perfect

For you


Tummy sucked

In

Tight

Just right


Back curved

Just right


An orchestra

Of deep

Purrs and moans

Decorating

The steam


Face lined

In

Pleasure

Like makeup


A face mask

Guaranteed

To make you love me


Or so I thought

Instead, you thought

What I saw in myself

Was beauty


Some beautiful

Part of you

believed

that’s what I was

looking at


Even when

You shared

Your innocent

Generous

Gift


I recoiled


Terrified

Of

What it meant

About me


If someone

Thought

I could ever

Be

pleased

With my image


Turned on

By it


Orgasmically

Driven by

My self?


Disgust

Drips off me

Like chains

As I rush

To explain


I could never be

Turned on

By my

Own body


Let me

Explain


I beg


More to

My self

Than him


I would

Never have

The audacity

To be…


Conceited

Cocky

Bitch


So free.


Full

of herself.

Cunt…


The meanings

That threaten

To lace me

That night


Define

My character

Wrap around me

Good and tight


I’m trying so

Hard

To get things

Right


That I miss

The opportunity

In sight


That you could

Have loved

Me so dearly

You thought it was

Logic


I would be

Turned on

By

My

Self


What wealth


12 years later

I finally begin to see


What you said

For so long

You saw in me

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