Scarcity runs deep in our veins. It’s a primal fear we are run by.
This fear is, in itself, a fear of death.
Our bodies are wired to fear death. To fear the things that lead to death- like isolation or not having enough of things and dying from it.
Scarcity curls itself into our psyche, negotiating most of our decisions.
The way I most see this in clients is through the ways they try and talk themselves out of doing the risky things that will get them the love they want, the job they want, the money they want.
Usually changing your life starts with a string of “NO’s”.
It starts with saying “no” to whatever you’ve been putting up within your life that isn’t in alignment with what you want.
You want a job you don’t hate? You have to leave this one (or start setting yourself up to)
Do you want more money? Say “no” to the free work you’ve been doing, “no” to the emotionally expensive people in your life, “no” to anything that is taking up your creative time and energy.
Do you want a partner that adores you and a life where you want the same things? But you are dating someone who doesn’t want the same things as you? Say no to that person, no matter how much you love them.
Most people do NOT say no to these things (been there btw) out of scarcity.
They go out with romantic partners that are ALMOST what they want .. but don’t want kids (when you do) or who hate their job. They stay with them because things are pretty good and what if they never find someone this good again?
They put up with jobs they hate so much because at least it’s money. Apply to jobs here and there, but believe it’s futile, or that no one is hiring, or that everyone else hates their job too. They talk themselves out of doing the level of constant application that someone determined to get a new job will do. Who do you think out of the two will most likely get a new job they love? The person who believes it’s possible? Or the one who doesn’t?
They put up with friends who are negative and horrible because they’ve known them for decades.
Am I describing myself here? Am I describing you?
Probably, we all go through this on some level.
And of course, there is truth to many of these concerns. What if we never meet anyone exactly as good as the partner we’re leaving? The chances that you NEVER meet anyone good for you in different ways are slim to none. There are billions of people on this planet. BILLIONS. I can close to guarantee at LEAST one other person (if not many many others) can create a life with you that you love more OR that you love differently than the one you have.
Same with jobs.
There are BILLIONS of people on this earth.
Every person needs some service or another.
Whether it’s a personal service or professional.
The world works on the internet (especially now thanks to corona) and out of those billion needs - you’re telling me you couldn’t find a single person who could use your time and service? When people tell me that they can’t find jobs, they are functioning out of unconscious scarcity. A belief that somehow there is no point. They have already tried.
But most likely this is the body/ ego trying to protect itself from change.
Because the weird thing is. Even if you hate your circumstances. If they are good “enough”… your body will cling to that reality to survive.
It knows it can survive the familiar (as evidenced by you sti
ll being alive).
Change, on the other hand, is risky.
Change can end in all different catastrophic ways.
Change can trigger our beliefs on scarcity (which internalize
d is a belief that leads to death).
Your body/ego will try and talk you out of change.
But the beauty is- the only way you can permanently fail in any of these areas is if you give up and stop trying.
Otherwise- it might not be on your timeline, but out of billions of people, and billions of needs, I guarantee there are options for you out there. And many of them.
Sometimes it just takes someone to remind you of that.